dear reader, this morning i saw a dead cat and my card declined at the grocery. i was buying frozen food and makeup remover. jane had to cover me. the combination of the two didn’t feel poetic but it did feel profound. mundane and disappointing. i am getting stuck in the rabbit hole of thoughts about quitting school and just working instead. it just feels like i will never be able to be good; create good things, take good care of people, make good grades. i don’t know. got sick this week so my paycheck will be lower. i feel selfish for not just showing up and continue working. maybe i can’t be good at work either.